Tuesday, June 29, 2010

What Not to Do: The Abs Round-Up

And now, for another edition of What Not to Do!

Or this may be the first...but the first of what is surely many to come. Ah, back to dating. Did you think I'd let you boys off easy with food and burlesque all the time? Ha.

This will be the Abs Round-Up: A collection of six-packs, with possibly no intelligence within. Remember my Advertise Your Manliness post? Do not post picture of just your abs. Don't.

Anyone who's been on a dating site will recognize the following kind of photo:

While this bathroom is nice and tidy(with a pretty shade of blue on the walls)
a better picture would show this boy shirtless and doing some cleaning.
Scrub that tile!

Yup, that's right: abs.

Some guy, standing in his bathroom/bedroom/mom's house, lifting his shirt up in front of the mirror. Hell, for variation there may be no shirt at all.

What do boys think this accomplishes? I mean yes, abs are nice. Especially when there're more than one of them. But really, what does that say? If your abs are the only thing about yourself that you're proud of...get a hobby. Outside of the gym.

Please see the exhibits below to further prove my point:

Now this guy...yeah. Boxers showing? Check. iPod product placement? Check.
Sassy smirk? Check (trust me, it was there).

Please boys, do not try to pull the Play Girl poses. Leave that up to Taylor Lautner and his Teen Beat cronies. Is that magazine still around?

Below, please see the trio of low low pants. Shades inside, gold bling and hiked-up shirts definitely make you a candidate for brain-donation. But hey, at least you have nice obliques.

Notice how the pants keep...getting...lower?

Did you know that posing on an angle makes you look skinnier? I wish I had abs like that just by taking a page out of this guys' book! And look, below we have a perfect pair of examples of the proper shirt-lifting form!

What should you have instead? Take a look at my other entry for a guide to better pictures.

Until then, here's some more jock-boy junk food.

Bonus points for the cowboy hat and wife-beater combo, am I right?

Mmmm, can't you just smell the intelligence?

Till next time!


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