Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Sucker Punch - First Look!

This is going to be the most awesomest thing EVER.

Excuse me while I geek out for a bit. You might want to back up.

Mini-geek Backstory
I believe it was Kitten De Ville who said that burlesque dancers are to women what rockstars are to men. Girls look up to them, find them awesome, raw, empowering, and leave a (good) show with a feeling of 'I could totally do that! I want to do that!' and then they throw up some horns and headbang on the way home.

Really, the similarities are striking, even down to the amount of hairspray, makeup, and skintight clothing. 

Why You Needed To Know That
This movie is going to be the shit for the very same reason. For so long men  have been provided with wild wish fulfillment movies: superheroes, action, PORN, and so on. All these movies have a strong man beating the shit out of awesome things with awesome weapons, and overcoming huge crazy obstacles in order to find some chick and fuck her. It's manly, it's great, there are awesome things like fire and robots and guns! I enjoy these movies!

Then there are the chick flicks: Woman meets hot guy, they hate each other, she speaks to other women only about men, the two are forced to pair up, hilarious awkwardness and coincidences pull them together, he betrays her hugely, they make up, HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

This is every chick flick ever.

Sucker Punch, however, is not this. Enter the trailer:

Sucker Punch is the wish-fulfillment of every godamned crazyass fangirl out there. I am SO INTO THIS.
We have a group of hot chicks who end up engaged in awesomeness with all of the following:
  • Robots
  • Dragons
  • Zombies
  • Biplanes
  • Gatling guns
  • FIRE
  • Steampunk
  • Cyberpunk
  • Burlesque
  • Helicopters
  • False Eyelashes

Who Did This
This movie, which will be awesome* is the brainchild of Zak Snyder (with Steve Shibuya co-writing). You should know this name. That dude who did 300, and Watchmen, and (recently) Legends of the Guardians ( the pretty CG owl movie). This movie has been in the works for years, and the production designer's Rick Carter. The same guy who worked on Avatar. This all adds up to a movie that will, at the very least, look amazing.

Plus, in the lead role you have Emily Browning playing Babydoll, the pretty blonde on the left in the pic below. You may remember her from Lemony Snicket. She's hauntingly gorgeous. I'm in all sorts of aesthetic overload with this film.

What I'M Going to DO About It
I'm actually going to pay to see this movie.** Even if it is horrendous by everyone's measurements, I am damn well supporting a fangirl film in the hopes that we will get more awesome ass-kicking female-oriented movies.
And let's be honest here: male wish fulfillment films rarely have the deepest plots, best writing, or stellar acting. If Sucker Punch has any of the former, I will be even more an ecstatic puddle of goo than I will be simple at seeing the visuals.

I'll be at the theatre on Friday.

~Red Herring

*or at least pretty as all get out

**this is not something I often do

Friday, March 18, 2011

Featured on!

And now for a Way Back Playback!

I found this feature of my long-ago succubus act while googling my name. Don't lie, you do it too.

Tera from has a blog all about Succubi, and came across my performance from theOriginalFace`s Shameless Showcase back in August 2010.

Here's a link to the article, and the video!
"The first thing I want to say is that I love the mix of sexy and cute that her outfit is.. The heart on her tail is especially cute and I have to admit that I giggled when I saw it the first time… Her dancing is really amazing and I love the little touches of whimsy and fun she was placed into her art… The feathers are an especially fun touch that I think would have gone over really well at the show I am sure…I also think the horns are really nice, and her corset just makes the whole ensemble fit together just so wonderfully…" 
Thank you Tera!

~ Red Herring

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Hanging From the Sky! - Burlesque and Trapeze

I'm taking trapeze lessons. It's been about five sessions so far, and as of my second one I knew I'd be doing this for a while.

Despite, you know, the pain and bruises and rope and heights and falling-on-my-head risks.

Yeah, I'm insane.

This is what I want to do:

Although, when I'm up there I feel like more of a retarded sloth. My inability to do the splits and my general lack of upper-body strength tends to limit my tricks so far. It's incredibly demotivating to see someone new to the trapeze get up there and complete tricks the first time they try. Without a spotter. With great form. Even if the person doing it is a fit guy (more strength!) who has done gymnastics for years (and flexibility), I still grumble under my breath, because I'm competitive like that.

I keep at it though! It won't beat me (though it may occasionally beat me up).

Maybe I'll take some pictures of my bruises next lesson...

~ Red Herring

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

How To: Get an Hourglass Figure?

Super Amanda wrote this wonderfully informative article on How To Get an Hourglass Figure, for all body types. It's hailed as "The most googled article on the Hourglass Figure three years running."

Dita von Teese, being a hot hourglass 
with the aid of a corset

So what IS an hourglass figure? It's defined as having your waist measurements being around 10" less than your hips and tits. This was an ideal ratio in the old days, and is still touted as the ideal among celebrities...though Amanda raises a great point about celebs who don't have hourglass figures still fudging their measurements to make it seem like they do.* In reality I find a lot of the fashion magazines glomming on to the rectangle shape for women, which may be other people's interests, but not mine.

Why? I'm a mean person, but a woman with no boobs, no hips, and no waist? From the back, she looks like a boy, and drag queens always have better legs.** But I'm biased, of course.

I've been lucky enough to be blessed with an hourglass. When I'm not eating everything in sight and actually going to the gym on a semi-regular basis, like a healthy person should, my measurements float the 34-25-35. Lord knows I love my padded bras, which usually round out the top half. Right now I'm taking up a bit more time (ha haaa) and floating the 35-27-37, because I had pasta for lunch and two cookies, and a piece of cake and am too lazy/busy to gym as much as I should.

I've been meaning to get back into the workouts for a long time now, and with my recent addiction to trapeze (yes, I may be insane), I'm finding it more and more needed.

This article has wonderful tips and Do's and Don'ts for those interested in working out to either achieve an hourglass shape, or enhance the one they have. Especially the part on pilates and yoga thickening out the waist. I always thought this, and heard it from half of the trainers I worked with when I worked in a gym (after losing around 40lbs via 'diet and exercise'). Working the obliques typically thickens out the waist, but all the pilates trainers say that it doesn't! Super Amanda sums it up nicely, "If you are seeking a more hourglass figure through Pilates...look and see if your teacher has a noticeable hip to waist and/or an hourglass figure themselves and then judge the veracity of their opinions before investing money..."

Yes. This.

Check out the article and make some changes to your routine!

As always, I feel the need to state something PC like 'love the body you have', which I feel is so cliche that the eye skips over it. My stance is that if you feel you could improve yourself, your fitness, your looks, your life, DO IT and shut up. I hate it when people disregard 'body issues' with a 'but you're PERFECT the way you are!' or any number of 'skinny bitch' comments. If you've got no boobs, your options are: get a padded bra, dress to flatter what you have, accept it, or buy them. Pick one and do it. If you're carrying a few more cookies than you'd like, you can: stop eating cookies, start watching what goes into your mouth, get a healthy amount of exercise. If you have no tush to speak of: Padded undies! If you exercise regularly, watch what you're eating, and aren't losing weight? See a trainer or nutritionist, you may be doing something wrong.***

If you think it's perfectly fine to be whatever level of boobed, butted, or curved you are? Rock it. If you're healthy, you're good. The previous paragraph clearly does not apply to those deliciously curvy ladies who are cool with it.

It's not rocket science.

That mini-rant being said...I'm definitely cutting down on the oblique core work. Not killing my crunches because the toning is necessary, or the captain's chair because I need the lower core for trapeze, but I'm going to focus more on upper and lower body right now. I dance enough for the core to be regularly engaged aside from my gym time, and I really need to be able to actually do pull-ups again.

Oh yeah, and more cardio to burn off all those cookies.

~ Red Herring

* Mmmm, fudge.

** I find this both unfair and amazingly awesome.

*** Seriously. If you're burning more calories than you consume on a daily basis you will lose weight. You could be misjudging input/output or have other health issues that are in the way. Women 18-24 of an average weight and activity level burn approximately 1500-1800 calories daily, just existing. You may be above or below this very general measurement. You will need to drop your caloric intake from the recommended 1800-2000 to 1500-1800 and work in 30+ minutes of cardio daily. These are approximate numbers.
Related Posts with Thumbnails