What Not to Do: The Abs Round-Up

And now, for another edition of What Not to Do!

Or this may be the first...but the first of what is surely many to come. Ah, back to dating. Did you think I'd let you boys off easy with food and burlesque all the time? Ha.

This will be the Abs Round-Up: A collection of six-packs, with possibly no intelligence within. Remember my Advertise Your Manliness post? Do not post picture of just your abs. Don't.

Anyone who's been on a dating site will recognize the following kind of photo:

While this bathroom is nice and tidy(with a pretty shade of blue on the walls)
a better picture would show this boy shirtless and doing some cleaning.
Scrub that tile!

Yup, that's right: abs.

Some guy, standing in his bathroom/bedroom/mom's house, lifting his shirt up in front of the mirror. Hell, for variation there may be no shirt at all.

What do boys think this accomplishes? I mean yes, abs are nice. Especially when there're more than one of them. But really, what does that say? If your abs are the only thing about yourself that you're proud of...get a hobby. Outside of the gym.

Please see the exhibits below to further prove my point:

Now this guy...yeah. Boxers showing? Check. iPod product placement? Check.
Sassy smirk? Check (trust me, it was there).

Please boys, do not try to pull the Play Girl poses. Leave that up to Taylor Lautner and his Teen Beat cronies. Is that magazine still around?

Below, please see the trio of low low pants. Shades inside, gold bling and hiked-up shirts definitely make you a candidate for brain-donation. But hey, at least you have nice obliques.

Notice how the pants keep...getting...lower?

Did you know that posing on an angle makes you look skinnier? I wish I had abs like that just by taking a page out of this guys' book! And look, below we have a perfect pair of examples of the proper shirt-lifting form!

What should you have instead? Take a look at my other entry for a guide to better pictures.

Until then, here's some more jock-boy junk food.

Bonus points for the cowboy hat and wife-beater combo, am I right?

Mmmm, can't you just smell the intelligence?

Till next time!

~Red

Get Your Makeup Did!

Am I keeping busy? You betcha. Time for some self-promotion! (Give me a break, most of my 9to5 goes to glitter and rent, in that order)

Once a month or so, I've been running a makeup event in conjunction with my boy-creature and a photographer I've worked with for a few years now. Revealingly titled 'Get Your Makeup Did,' it's a chance for people to get a mini-makeover and a bunch of pictures for their portfolio, facebook, or the coveted position above the fireplace mantle. All this for the low price of $50*

We offer raw files and up to three edited photos for your use, all print size.

The next event is happening at Chez Moi (is that even vaguely French for 'my place?') on July 18th and we're already booked up with some lovely local burlesque ladies!

Here are a few samples of what we're up to:

Firstly, my boy-creature Mark Boyer and I, your wonderful hosts.

Yeah, this is pretty much what we're like all the time.

The photographer is my dear friend Ken Lam, who has been working with me since before I was a model. He's a doll, and quite good at what he does.

Take a look at a few examples of Selected Sass below! And don't worry boys, there's room for you too! Our last shoot featured a face painting, so stay tuned for some more pics from past events.

The ever-adorable Bibi Bourgeon (debuting her burlesque-bits soon at Strip Search!) and Kristen T., who's frikken cute, and works as a model/actress.

Here we have the gorgeous and talented Teresa from Lady Luck Productions, and Lily Lemonpie (one of Coco Framboise's bonbons and the runner up to Strip Search 2010!).

The session that just occurred featured burlesque dancer Kenickie Street, and the upcoming session in July will have tassel-twirling wonders Dolly Berlin, Venus De Lys, and Fan Tan Fanny of the Firecrackers!

We have more sessions coming up sometime in August and September! Stay tuned!


~Red

*$40 for repeat customers!

The Burlesque Festival and Beyond!

Ladies and lovers of ladies, some belated-to-the-blog news that I know you're all just dying to hear:

I've made it into the Toronto Burlesque Festival!

I did a burlesquey booyaka when I heard the news. It's a combination of a booty-dance (with a lot of booty), some shimmies, someone got flashed, and a bit of glitter was thrown in (for kicks).

So yes, all those pins and needles I was waiting on before have now turned to butterflies, and have localized in my stomach, doing the salsa. My metaphors, I mix them in your general direction.

This, of course, means rehearsing and fretting for a bit, but that's okay! I have made sure to keep myself uber-booked so that I don't have time to worry, just DO.

Yeah, this seems to be an ongoing thing with me.

Some good news? My festival participation means I've been given the sparkley boot from Strip Search! I'll be lending a hand backstage for the event anyway! They can't get rid of me that easy!*

Even though I'm not in Strip Search, I urge you all to go anyway. There will be some of the best new talent in Toronto. You should go and buy us girls some drinks.

See? It's sexy. You need to be there. Especially if you missed last weeks' Dance Dance Evolution fundraiser! I'm hoping to locate some pictures soon, because this event was fantastic. Some of burlesque best established performers showed how you Get It Done, no holds barred. Yours truly chilled at the Wheel of Peel with some sassy other ladies, including Dolly Berlin. We ate bananas and gave out boobie prizes like there was no tomorrow!

Check back for some sure-to-be hilarious photos from the event! Of course, there's always the chance that I could post something related to one of the Super Sekrit Projects I'm working on but...naw, not likely.

Cheers!


* Insert Evil Laugh here

What I've been up to - The Marching April Review

So...remember when I mentioned all those shows and things that I've been doing? Here's a little round-up!

A Night With the March Hare had me performing in a sizable venue for the first time. It was my first official paid show.

Of course, I thought it'd be awesome to do two acts (and it was), but the insanity that came with it has taught me to budget for time, don't take on more than you can chew, expect burlesque to be like this by default. Knowing is half the battle.

Photo, and above, by Stan Trac

I did my Oh Sheep! act, and debuted a brand new Wonderland-inspired Caterpillar act. Even though my on-stage time is a blur, the reviews didn't scare me off from performing in the follow-up, April Fools: A Comedy Cabaret (with my Oh Sheep! act once more).

A Kitten, Assist, and Perform gig with the Firecrackers at their debut show really had me working up a sweat.

Photos by Sammy Snapshot

I did a reboot of my Dirty Laundry act with Muffin, my new assistant: A pony head with boa-gore. As usual, a few civilians were harmed.

Lastly, a gathering of nerd was had at Bella's Burlesque Birthday Bash, in which I got rejected by a guy at the bar, and had to rock out in true drunken Unrequited Fever fashion.

Love this photo by Brian Tao. Hot.

Stay tuned for some exciting news on what I'm up to now, and in the future! I've just managed to guarantee my own insanity until the second week of September!

Red

Upcoming Engagements!

No rest for the wicked, huh?

Well, along with being a busty, er, busy bee these past few months (so much so that I'm neglecting this poor blog), I'm also looking to be quite booked up for the foreeable future.

This only means good things.

So...you want to see me? Of course you do!



This week I'll be peroforming a brand new act at the Circus O Burlesque A Mania Insania in Oshawa! Not only is this thing seeing me decked out in a brand new costume, but there's been rumours of a hat 'n cane, and maybe a little bit of rock music. You know, cause that's how I roll.

Ladies and gentlemen, you HAVE to come out. There's simply no excuse. If not to see me, then for sure to check on the likes of the lovely Pandora La Glamme, Fiona Flauntit, and Molly Mishap, among many other sexy ladies.

May 16 I'll be the featured photography model in Artisans Exposed with Circus Entertainment at Ambrosia Room.


This is going to be a blast, and an awesome restart for Circus Entertainment. I'll be showing off my new costume in Toronto for the first time!

There's a bunch more on my horizon, but you'll have to wait and see what I've got my paws on next. There might even be a little website in my future!

Ciao,

Red